He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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