hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
