4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
