My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
high people should be assigned attendants
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
