you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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