I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
