I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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