She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
