I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize