Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
