it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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