I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize