Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
