We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
