my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
