I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
