that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
