the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
