You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize