The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
