When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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