Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize