I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
