this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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