I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
