i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
