Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
