Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
