Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize