god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I deserve this hangover.
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