Do vagina's smell?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
