just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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