I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
