3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
