tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
