If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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