I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i came on her dog
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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