chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize