he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
