I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
