People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
