I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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