Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
