Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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