I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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