It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
