____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
