just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
