I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
handjob tips. give me some.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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