you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
