It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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