Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did i walk over a car last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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