I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
