You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
