My brain says no but my pants say off.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
