apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bring me that man meat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
