running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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