dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
