Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
