Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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