ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
