Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
