his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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