Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the raccoons are back...
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