I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
