I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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