Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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