I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
PANTIES FOUND
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
