I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
