JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
