census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
