I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
