Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
