the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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