We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
