i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
