Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i barfeds in our rink
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
