This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
