32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize