She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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