I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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