I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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