You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
