Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
