I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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