ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
