mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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