Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
