Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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