community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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