Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
